Letter to a Professor

Letter to a Professor

© Alix Cain, 2011

Oy Vey! What a time I’ve had dragging myself through the murky mire of illness these last few weeks. Two colds, something like the flu or food poisoning  accompanied by constipation, internal bleeding, weakness, then diarrhea, migraines, more weakness, no appetite, blurred vision, fever, and all the while pain, pain, pain, crippling, mind altering pain in nearly every part of my body!  My God, I hope it is over. There has been a constant companion of a seemingly never ending stream of terrible, nasty news to accompany me during this difficult time.  Japan, politics, murder, mayhem, child abandonment, abuse, weather, economy, stupid Charlie Sheen, and the list goes on and on and on. I am looking forward to getting back to work. Sometimes it feels like I am a pioneer struggling with certain aspects of this muscular dystrophy. The flu is hard enough for an able bodied person. I know we have the Father above who loves and cares for us, and in that light, I do realize and understand that when my vertical relationship with divinity is in its healthy, proper place – all my horizontal relationships suddenly become much easier to manage, even the one with myself. : ) I believe that when Saint Paul wrote about the storms in a person’s spiritual life – he wasn’t talking about adversity or the difficulties we experience along the way, THE STORMS he was talking about are the doubts and fears that come.

When I give in to those doubts and fears and catch myself thinking that things should somehow be different than the way they are simply because I want them to be, or have some idealistic yet immature expectation for smooth sailing, then I realize I am in the wrong place, the wrong mindset that is neither helpful nor accurate. Gratitude is the place most fertile, and if I can just keep from suffering over my suffering, while reminding myself of all the many things I have to be thankful for while extending an open loving, compassionate heart to myself and others, I think I can stay on the good road a while longer… Perhaps all this sounds like self-indulgent, random lunacy… not too cryptic I hope… My biggest question these last couple weeks has not been when can I get my assignments done? How many more years of school work before I can earn a paycheck? Will my hands even function then? What am I doing? Instead questions like – is this really my body? How can I cope with this ever increasing burden? What the HELL is pain for? How many calories does it take to live in a chair and NOT develop a snowman waistline?

What will become of me? How can I make it out of this fog and see the sun again?

SO Patti, you see- maybe I have gone round the bend a bit… but now I hope I can pull it together and crank out some brilliant assignments. Thank You,

Alix Cain

Alix Cain is a writer, artist, and musician living in Eastern Indiana. He is also an Ordained Minister and Reiki Master. He and his partner Carrie and their children are living in awareness, always endeavoring to teach by example with loving kindness ever being their guiding light.