Does this cold bother your leg like it does mine

“Does This Cold Bother Your Leg Like It Does Mine?”

Introducing  “What Wheelchair?” – a section with articles and Q  &   A pertaining to disability awareness, particularly in the area of Dating/Relationships/Long-term Relationships and Marriage .

“Does This Cold Bother Your Legs Like It Does Mine?”

Those were the very first words Alix ever said to me, eight years ago. I turned around and said, in a slightly snotty tone to this man I never saw before who knew something personal about me, “No, it doesn’t, and who told you about my leg?”

“Oh, I’m sorry!,” said the most beautiful, long haired, sparkling, charismatic man I’d ever seen. He had a sheepish grin quickly followed by a dazzling smile, complete with a silver pirate tooth, no less!

I explained how my artificial hip never bothered me in cold weather (I actually forget most of the time that I have it). I asked Alix how he knew about it, and he said something just told him to ask me.  That initial subject was quickly forgotten in the euphoria of finally coming face to face with your Soulmate for the first time.

We talked excitedly in the cold and crowd of our children’s soccer match. “Are you Native American,?” I asked, watching the brisk breeze lift strands of his long, dark hair. Anyone who knows me knows I love long hair on men and women and I always have, but where we live, it is pretty rare.

“Yes, Bird Clan Eastern Cherokee People,” he replied, still with that dazzling smile and looking at me as if he were a child finally getting everything  he wanted for Christmas. I would find out later this was exactly what he felt.  We had both recently prayed for this moment, but that’s another story. J

After several minutes of animated conversation with words while our souls said “What took you so long?, “  I asked casually, “What happened to you, were you in a car wreck?” I thought Alix was in the wheelchair due to paralysis.

“Muscular dystrophy,” he said casually, never losing his smile and continuing with other subjects.

OK: I want to emphasize TWO things about the beginning of our story.

1.       WHAT WHEELCHAIR?  I didn’t care at all about Alix’s wheelchair, or react to Alix in ways that related to the wheelchair. His personality is so gigantic it’s pretty much all you can handle at first anyway. J  And mostly people are polite even if they are freaked out by it. But Alix has told me that I don’t see a person’s disability; I see the person. I relate to the person in the head, the emotions, the intelligence. It’s just the way I am, as are many others. 

What we want to do with this section of the blog is answer questions that can get you to that point if it would help,  or tell stories that would help, or even just make you feel like you aren’t the only person living life CREATIVELY, or with someone who does. And that is a whole other topic for articles—Creativity and Inventions!

2.       I very casually asked Alix why he was in a wheelchair, and he very casually answered. Exchanging this information easily was due to our personalities—we are fascinated with people and very direct in our communications and interactions with them. I would advise everyone to be direct when asking a person about his or her disability. It’s a logical question, unless they happen to be thinking about their disability and you are a mind reader! Feeling funny abot asking makes it a taboo to have a disability, and it’s not.  In the “old days” it was not polite to ask a lot of what were thought to be personal questions, but in the old days people with disabilities were sent away and shut away, too. Just be polite, as I hope you would be at anytime, with any question. Over the years, Alix has had some DOOZIES!, to which he has always responded kindly, casually, and informatively.  Once we were having dinner in a restaurant and a man actually yelled from several tables away, “Hey!  What put you in that wheelchair?” I almost choked on my spaghetti, but Alix politely answered the man without batting an eye. The man went on to talk about his wife who had died, and all about his days as a bodyguard for famous people years and years ago. It was a small restaurant that the man probably frequented alone often, and he was probably lonely. There weren’t many people there at the time and he probably felt like he was at home. He was an older man, and sometimes as we get older we don’t mince words. I am actually liking that part of growing older…. J Last year at a pow wow Alix and I were in line at a food vendor, and a sweet voice of about eleven said behind me, “Miss, may I ask why he is in a wheelchair?” I answered with a smile, “Why don’t you ask him yourself?” Children are always fascinated with the power chair, but I have to say, one of the oddest reactions came recently from a dog! Alix and I were walking down a busy sidewalk (see—I still forget after all this time—don’t correct yourself when it happens). We approached two women, one of whom was walking a dog. The poor dog took one look at Alix rolling along and knew something was very different with that picture! He about choked himself backing away and getting tangled around a fire hydrant!  Talk about a smart dog! Disabilities are scary to some people, and dogs too.

So remember: react and relate to the person, not the disability. And if you have questions, ask.

I had two questions for Alix after our first meeting. I had never met anyone with muscular dystrophy before. I don’t think I had ever met anyone in a wheelchair before. My first question was whether it would affect his lifespan. I’ll let you guess what the second one was. LOL

---Carrie Torres is Alix’s partner of eight years.